Bad Mother...Shut Your Mouth

I've googled a lot in the name of motherhood. Childhood illnesses ranging from pneumonia to norovirus, all manner of rashes from impetigo to hand, foot, and mouth disease, and even more common queries, i.e. common toddler allergens. I'd thought I'd seen most of it, and even built up an immunity to it. Then, I googled "bleeding baby bottom" for some questionable diaper rash.

Thankfully, there were no pictures.

Instead, I was taken to forum after forum of all natural motherdom, where, time after time, seasoned veteran/hippie mother would espouse some ancient family recipe for all-natural diaper rash cream. A recipe, they promise, that will heal my baby of all her bottomly ills and free me from the corporate chains of polluted commercial creams!

I am a bad mother. I like Desitin. The way it smells (the blue package, not the purple), the way it reliably attacks my baby's tush, healing it of its rashes and relieving her of her pain. I don't want to become the Rachel Ray of rectal rashes, brewing up some homeopathic potion of EVOO and beeswax.