Who's That Guy...In That Movie...With the Thing...You Know, He's On That Show...

When I'm not busy googling rectal remedies for my toddlers, I'm trying desperately to regain my hold on the fragile threads of my memory. While my brain used to hold such secrets as the pre-vowel shift pronunciation of various medieval words, it seems, lately, that I struggle desperately to recall simplistic terms...like fork.

Or sleep.

So, imagine my immense distress when, upon my 500th viewing of National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets, I failed to recall the name of this guy:

Now, before you all get your Declarations of Independence in a twist, I should probably mention that I do not watch "Modern Family" at all; therefore, the name "Ty Burrell" is about as common to my lips as, well, pre-vowel shift English is these days.

Your next query might be: um, why are you wondering about THAT guy at all? He's in, like, 7 minutes of the movie..

Simple: in my dreamy haze this morning, I awoke to the scene where Diane Kruger comes home from a date with Burrell's character to find Ben Franklin Gates doing some clandestine business IN HIS OWN HOME (don't get me started on that tangent!).

In case you forgot, Diane Kruger looks like this:

I'm pretty sure, even at her mousiest, she'd never condescend to go out with him. I mean, after all, he's no Pacey.

And, so, google I did. And learned that if you type in the words "National Treasure Book of Secrets Ty Burrell" and about midway down the images page, your eyes will be treated to what I can only tentatively describe as an emaciated man-boy, possibly castrato, en nude.

I didn't click to enlarge the image or to see exactly how any of those words applied to his photo.

One of These Things is NOT Like the Others...

Today I took Part 1 of a two-day workshop for CPR/AED certification. One of the nurses leading the training mentioned that when applying the pads of the AED on someone, we might encounter a pacemaker in the way. There were no visuals to provide us regarding this seemingly small detail, but we were instructed that it would be easily seen (being embedded just under the skin) and that we should avoid making contact with the AED pad to that area of the victim's chest.

So me...and my morbid curiosity...wanted to see what that might look like. After all, someone with a pacemaker does seem more likely to require CPR, no?

Well, now I know what I'd be seeing in the case of a victim with a pacemaker. But that doesn't explain the girl with the plate of spaghetti...

Well, I thought it was spaghetti...
Turns out it is rice with curry. And the picture goes to a
story about this 32 year old woman with a 'bionic stomach'
(read the full article here)

Computer Literacy or Motive for Murder?

So I fully expected to find the various dunce imagery, computer clipart, etc. when I typed "computer literacy" into the Google machine just a few minutes ago. I was not, however, anticipating this photo...

Click on the image above for a larger view.
(The photo in question is towards the lower right corner of the screen.)
This photo will either be that girl's yearbook baby photo in 12 years
 or marked as Exhibit 5 by her defense attorney. It really could go either way.

Bad Mother...Shut Your Mouth

I've googled a lot in the name of motherhood. Childhood illnesses ranging from pneumonia to norovirus, all manner of rashes from impetigo to hand, foot, and mouth disease, and even more common queries, i.e. common toddler allergens. I'd thought I'd seen most of it, and even built up an immunity to it. Then, I googled "bleeding baby bottom" for some questionable diaper rash.

Thankfully, there were no pictures.

Instead, I was taken to forum after forum of all natural motherdom, where, time after time, seasoned veteran/hippie mother would espouse some ancient family recipe for all-natural diaper rash cream. A recipe, they promise, that will heal my baby of all her bottomly ills and free me from the corporate chains of polluted commercial creams!

I am a bad mother. I like Desitin. The way it smells (the blue package, not the purple), the way it reliably attacks my baby's tush, healing it of its rashes and relieving her of her pain. I don't want to become the Rachel Ray of rectal rashes, brewing up some homeopathic potion of EVOO and beeswax.

Mommy!

Last week, I googled "lego mom" for a meme I compiled per request of my sister (Exhibit A). The image I managed to find in the end was much further down in the Google Images search page; however, I have included a screenshot  (Exhibit B) of what does show up towards the top of that search. Perhaps you can find the image that shocked me the most?

Exhibit A
The "lego mom" image I used is seen above "What my kids think I do."

Exhibit B
You can never unsee this image. It will scar your lego retinas forever.
I've kept this image small to protect the innocent...but the image is
the last image on the right in the third row. If you need a larger view...
click on the image or just google "lego mom" for yourself.

Avert Thine Eyes

What do you get when you add "infant conjunctivitis symptoms" into the Google machine???

This:

The First Rule of the Google This Blog is...

This is what you get when you
google "first rule of fight club" (FYI).

Rule #1
No googling "naked pictures of elf lords"

Rule #2
No googling "animals performing coitus"

Rule #3
Lauren has to use proper capitalization in her blog titles but may opt to use all lowercase for her actual blog copy.*

Rule #4
Jennifer needs to not obsess over every design detail.**

Rule #5
Yes, she does (in regards to Rule #3).***

Rule #6
Lauren can add as many asterisks as she wants to Jen's rules, posts, etc.

*or does she???

**doesn't this rule negate your previous rule???
***and no, it does not!